Jet was sick last night and today is his one full nursery day of the week. A day when I try and turn 8 hours of toddler free time into 18 hours of work/life admin/house jobs/time with Nova.
My initial reaction this morning was to feel completely hard done by- I was being robbed of that one precious day within the usual busy seven.
Jet woke up happy and seemed to be completely back to himself but the nursery’s policy (which is obviously completely understandable) is that you have to wait 48 hours before they can go in after a sick bug.
I felt incredibly frustrated that yet again something was getting in the way of my time.
Then I caught myself. That something that I was talking about was my sweet Jet. My sweet, sweet first born baby.
We’ve been going through a tough season at the moment. He’s pushing every child in sight and completely ignores anything I say (unless I’m offering food, that’s my boy) He’s been testing my every limit every day, and every night once he’s asleep I hate the mum that I was that day and swear I’ll be better tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes and I lose my cool with him all over again. Nova’s also been up a lot in the night and we’re just all feeling a bit tired and run down.
And so today, completely unexpectedly, turned into the most beautiful blessing in disguise.
A day with no agenda, to stay in pyjamas and spend completely golden quality time with my boy. To remember what a beautiful soul he is and to see his character and not just the stage that he’s in.
We sat and watched Planes (a go to Disney choice if your child is anywhere near as obsessed with planes/trains/helicopters/fire engines etc etc as mine is) we read a million stories (literally, I counted) we went nowhere and saw no one and it was everything we needed.
I love to pack out our days with outings and play dates but I forget to stop. To spend time just me and my babies. To pour undivided attention on them rather than trying to keep them entertained whilst I hold a conversation with a friend or bosh out a few emails.
I feel so very lucky that I don’t have to work. I mean, financially I do have to work but I don’t answer to anyone. I didn’t have a boss expecting me to turn up to an office for 9am this morning. I was able to drop everything and cuddle Jet for as long as he needed- at one point, while we were watching Planes he put his little hand on my cheek and pulled my head close to his, so close that I could only see out of one eye. I didn’t dare move though incase he pulled away. So I sat and watched with one eye for a while. ha!
I didn’t need to call in and say I couldn't come to work, I didn’t have to make panicked phone calls to family and friends to see who could look after Jet.
I am in a season when I can be mum for my children at any hour they need, a role that I often find frustrating, suffocating and, dare I say it, boring but also a role that I hold more highly than anything in this world. It’s a role that I often find myself wishing away- counting down till bedtime, or nap time, or a nursery day.
The last 24 hours have been full of sick and washing and oh so many towels and bedding changes but what I’m taking away is an abundance of gratitude. Gratitude for my two beautiful babies. How lucky am I to call them mine. And how determined I am more than ever to give them the best of me. To give them all of me. I can be mum all day and then work in the evenings if I have to and for that I am so very grateful.